Not Everything Mixes With Travel

Justin and I traveled to Oklahoma this weekend because he had some time off, and we wanted my family to meet Oliver.  We were leaving on Saturday and coming back Tuesday, and we were driving!  For those who do not know, this is a 10 hour drive one way.  We left Saturday late morning and it took us 11.5 hours to get there with Oliver.  We were having to stop to feed him and make sure he got out of his car seat for a little while.  Well, we had never traveled with an infant before so I brought everything!  Including P90X.  We had it all planned out when we left Indy on how we would manage to do our workout while we were in Oklahoma.  The journey actually began on Friday night.

So, Friday night I went to dinner with some friends with every intention to come home, work out, pack, and then go to bed.  Well it was more like come home, Oliver wouldn't go to sleep until 9:30, pack, and then go to bed.  This was really the plan for Justin and I.  Since we didn't do our Friday workout, we told ourselves we would do it Saturday and count Friday as our rest day.  Yes, crazy is what you are thinking.  We were planning on doing our workout after the 10, scratch that 11.5, hour drive I mentioned above.  I mean what sounds better after sitting in the car for hours than to get your blood flowing with a workout? 

Moving on to Saturday night at about 10:30pm, Oklahoma time, we arrive at my mom and dad's house.  Exhausted.  We put Oliver to bed and finish unloading the car.  I look at Justin and ask "Uh, do you want to do P90X?  Because I really just want to go to bed".  Now, Justin and I are doing P90X together in order to hold each other accountable.  His response was something like "Yeah me too.  Let's just go to bed".  So we discussed how we will do our workout on Sunday night instead after we've rested and everything. 

Sunday comes along...we go to my grandparents house and also run into Tulsa to see my brother.  Not too many places but we were yet again in the car.  We ate dinner and needed to go to the store for some stuff.  It was getting late so we had to put Oliver to bed before going to the store.  Now 8pm on Sunday night, still no P90X.  On our way back from the store my wonderful husband says to me "I think we have earned Braum's today, don't you think?".  My reply "I agree".  Now as you have read we have not done anything to earn ice cream, but by god we were going to get some!  Thus, discussing how we will now do our P90X workout on Monday because today was simply too exhausting and we did not ever have time.

Monday.  We got a late start at my parent's house, on getting out of it.  We went to lunch and I really wanted to get a pedicure so this was first on the agenda.  After, we went to a few more places in Tulsa and before you know it I look at the clock and it's 5:30pm and we're discussing dinner.  On our way back from Tulsa we meet my dad for dinner and some friends as well.  We did not leave the restaurant until after Oliver's bedtime, and he was really cranky.  We get back to my parent's and put Oliver to bed and the clock reads 8:30pm.  Hmmm...I wonder what's coming?  I turn to Justin, and at this point it's not even a discussion.  I say to him "I'm not doing P90X because I am just too damn tired".  His response "I'm okay with that".  So much for us holding each other accountable.  Well if you really think about it, we were holding each other accountable...to be lazy. 

Tuesday morning we get up, eat breakfast with my parents, pack the car, and we're on the road.  At this point we have extended our P90X to now P95X and are sitting in the car for another 11.5 hours.  We all know we are not going to workout when we get to Indy so we put it off until yet another day.  As we're driving back to Indy we have another conversation about when we will resume our workout.  The result...not until tomorrow.

The lesson I brought home with this...when you plan a four day trip where two of the days are driving, you're crazy if you really think you're going to feel like working out.  Especially if you are planning on doing P90X because not everything mixes with travel, and certainly not P90X!

So relaxing...surprisingly

So I did Yoga again last night for P90X, Week 2, Day 4...woo hoo!  Anywho, it kicks my butt in the beginning, but the end is so relaxing and peaceful.  It really does make a difference I think.  In every workout there's a "cool down", but with Yoga's cool down it's so much better.  I just can't really put it into words.  It's something you have to experience yourself.

Week 2 is going well so far.  I've noticed I'm more tired this week so we have been trying to get Oliver in bed a little earlier so we can workout earlier, and in turn getting to sleep earlier.  I think it's just tiring and my body is not used to it yet, but I'm hoping it will get easier as the weeks pass.  Next week is our last week of the same workout and then week 4 is something different.  I'm kind of excited to see what week 4 brings.  I'm sure it will suck!

This is a short post, but I don't really have much more to comment about.  Abs still suck and are the hardest part of my week...hoping that gets easier too!

It Gets Me Every Time (beware of hidden emotions in this one)

Last night was Plyometrics and I still hate it!  I'm not sure what exactly it is about it, but I cannot stand that DVD workout!  Probably because it is really tough.  I would much rather do Kenpo on both nights than do Plyo, ugh.

Well, I wanted to write a little different thing today because this week's P90X is pretty much like last week's and I have some things on my mind. 

I had a "blast from the past" today.  I was trying to look at pictures for organizing and came across the albums I made for the triplets.  A new emotion came over me today when I began to think back to that December, which was over a year ago, but feels like just yesterday.  I realized then I had lost children, but I think now after spending these almost 12 weeks with Oliver the emotion was just much more intense.  We've had people talk to us about how we "dealt" with the loss of our children, and have even been asked for advice in situations where people are faced with the same thing.  This made me think today, is there really any advice you can give?  I think it's different for everyone and it becomes different things as you continue to live your life afterward.  Many have wondered if I am "okay" and dealing with things well over the last year.  I would have to say when first asked this I was upset because it made me appear broken.  If any of you know me well, I am not the type of person who can be "broken".  And if I am, I'm in a hurry to fix it.  I know it does not seem like there is a point to this post, but I'm getting there.

I'm writing this because today I realized, I am "okay".  Even if I have days like today where I am holding my son and crying because I miss my other children and because I'm glad he's with me.  I'm okay when I am asked if Oliver is my first child.  I'm okay when I tell people no.  I'm okay when people want to know about the triplets because it's the only time I get to talk about them.  I'm okay with looking at pictures of them and crying because I miss them.  I'm okay with being angry sometimes when I think about how they will not get to do many things Justin and I wished for them.  I'm okay with other people coping with missing them in a different way.  I'm okay with people still talking about them because, they were here.  I'm okay with telling their story.  And, I'm okay to tell people I am the mother of four children who I love unconditionally, and always will. 
How do I do it you might think?

I have no other option.  I am a better person for the things I've gone through, and in turn I feel I have a better life.  Different things are important.  The little moments matter more.  I feel lately as if I have been caught up in what needs to be done and just the overall mess of life.  At first I did not welcome the memory of the death of my kids today, but every time...every time...they make me remember what I'm living for.