I'm going to weigh in on this although it may upset some, but you don't have to read it!
Really!? Rant begin.
There was a 10 year-old girl on the news saying she wanted plastic surgery because her ear stuck out past her hair and kids made fun of her at school...and the worst part, her parents were okay with it! I'm not going to get all preachy and say you shouldn't alter what God gave you, but I am going to say not when you're 10 years old! The segment was about many minor kids wanting to have plastic surgery so they don't get made fun of, and they brought up the episode of Glee where Rachel wanted a nose job to be more like Quinn. I have so many thoughts on this, but I'll narrow it down for you.
First of all, Glee is a TV show and Rachel decided to not have the surgery because she was okay with who she was. Isn't this the message we should be sending our children instead of "you were born this way but we can change it"? Every kid gets made fun of in school! Every kid. Try growing up with the last name Pugh...walking target. But I made it thru, and it was because I had supportive parents to tell me the other kids...well, they'd just have to get over it because it was my last name and it wasn't going to change! Until I got married.
Second, I feel this topic brings me to the cliché phrase of "What is this world coming to?” But seriously, what is happening? When did we start telling our children to change themselves to be accepted? I know some may say kids these days are much harsher than when we were growing up because of the Internet, Facebook, etc. Well, this is because we allow them to be! Some aren't teaching their kids anymore and hell some don't even want to be parents; they want to be friends. Well to hell with that! If my kid does not hate me when he is growing up then I am doing something wrong. Let's look at this generationally. My grandparents were picked on, my parents were picked on, I was picked on, and I'm sure my son and future children will be picked on. I'd like to speak with these parents who are letting their kids get plastic surgery and tell them to suck it up and get in the game! I know my child is only 5 months old, but I will not tell him it's okay to alter his body in order to conform. And shame on the doctors who are willing to do this to a child. They are kids and honestly do not know what they really want yet. I'm twenty-seven and still do not know what I want. This segment just made my blood boil when I was watching it, and could not believe what I was hearing.
Third, on the other side of this topic is to the parents of the bullies. Pay attention to your kids! I know some kids will pick on each other and this is just how life works, but to the extent where kids want plastic surgery? Or to the point where kids are killing themselves or each other? Where does it stop? At some point we, as adults, have to step in and say it’s not okay. You have to step away from your phone, your job, your emails, your video games, and talk to your children. The Internet and technology is not only affecting the children of this generation, but also the parents. Teach your children how people are supposed to be treated, as human beings with emotions. This is the only way our future as senior citizens will not be doomed and we’re left to suffer because we would rather be our child’s friend than guide them in the right direction.
Lastly, it may shock some parents who are older than me or have children older than my own, and they may tell me I just don’t understand. I do understand because I was a kid once, and now it’s my job to raise one! Raise my child to have values, to play outside, to educate him, to give in the world, to love, to support the people he cares about, to think for himself, and to be himself! Somewhere along the line some of us parents make a choice to not invest in our children, and this is just heartbreaking. Where they feel other things are more important than their children. Or they care more about what they get for themselves than what they can for their kids. Sometimes when I have this conversation with others it sparks many other topics about how some people did not want or were not ready for a child. To me, this is still no excuse. When you decided to carry that child and bring it into the world, you took on the responsibility for helping mold a person. Frankly, some of us are doing a really crap job if you ask me.
I will leave you with this: Parents, it is time to grow up. Teach your children to be good people and to care about each other. Do not add to the already growing hatred in our world. And please, do not give me excuses about video games, television, Internet, and rap music because honestly this is just your excuse. Teach your child what it means to love their self. Stop telling your children to change who they are to make someone else happy, seriously!
Rant end.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
We're Back...Finally!
It's been awhile since I've been able to write and there are many reasons as to why this is. First, we were moving. Second, we were/are unpacking. It's a slow process here in the Minges house. And third, I felt like I didn't have a topic to discuss really. Well, this has certainly changed!
1. Oliver: Recently he has discovered his feet. One never knew how amazing this part of the body could be, but it is hilarious to watch. It does make diaper changes a little more difficult as he tries to hang on to his feet during the process. Just this morning I watched him through the monitor when he woke up, but was not quite ready for me to get him from his crib. He just laid there and worked on bringing his feet up to his hands and the look on his face was priceless! It's as if to say, "wow! what are these things and where did they come from?!" And once he gets a hold of them, watch out! He has yet to figure out he can also put them in his mouth, and I'm sure this will be next. Also, he has wanted to grab everything! Also making diaper changing an adventure. As his tummy was once a thing he hated to be on he is actually tolerating it more as he has figured out he can play with toys more efficiently. Still he has yet to figure out he can control rolling over from front to back and back to front, but he'll get there. When he's ready to roll over he screams and cries. I let him for quite awhile before I kind of nudge him on his side to "help" him realize he can roll over. Although he is not rolling over, he is scooting on his belly and making a full circle turn with his feet keeping his head in the same spot. But the best thing so far in his list of new things, laughing! I never thought hearing my child laugh would affect me so much, but it is hilarious! And he laughs at the most odd things and at the most random moments. It makes me think what his sense of humor will be like. There have been times where he just laughs at me for talking, and it sends me into a laughter where tears are brought to my eyes. It's contagious in this house and the three of us will sit and laugh at each other for, well, minutes. Here's a pic of the little man to see how much he has grown:
2. Moving: It sucks! Really, this is all I have to say about this topic. The move from Indiana to Oklahoma was definitely a learning experience for Justin and I, and one I hope we do not forget.
3. Something I saw on the Today show: Became way too long and had to make a separate post...come see it! (At your own risk)
1. Oliver: Recently he has discovered his feet. One never knew how amazing this part of the body could be, but it is hilarious to watch. It does make diaper changes a little more difficult as he tries to hang on to his feet during the process. Just this morning I watched him through the monitor when he woke up, but was not quite ready for me to get him from his crib. He just laid there and worked on bringing his feet up to his hands and the look on his face was priceless! It's as if to say, "wow! what are these things and where did they come from?!" And once he gets a hold of them, watch out! He has yet to figure out he can also put them in his mouth, and I'm sure this will be next. Also, he has wanted to grab everything! Also making diaper changing an adventure. As his tummy was once a thing he hated to be on he is actually tolerating it more as he has figured out he can play with toys more efficiently. Still he has yet to figure out he can control rolling over from front to back and back to front, but he'll get there. When he's ready to roll over he screams and cries. I let him for quite awhile before I kind of nudge him on his side to "help" him realize he can roll over. Although he is not rolling over, he is scooting on his belly and making a full circle turn with his feet keeping his head in the same spot. But the best thing so far in his list of new things, laughing! I never thought hearing my child laugh would affect me so much, but it is hilarious! And he laughs at the most odd things and at the most random moments. It makes me think what his sense of humor will be like. There have been times where he just laughs at me for talking, and it sends me into a laughter where tears are brought to my eyes. It's contagious in this house and the three of us will sit and laugh at each other for, well, minutes. Here's a pic of the little man to see how much he has grown:
2. Moving: It sucks! Really, this is all I have to say about this topic. The move from Indiana to Oklahoma was definitely a learning experience for Justin and I, and one I hope we do not forget.
3. Something I saw on the Today show: Became way too long and had to make a separate post...come see it! (At your own risk)
Friday, April 15, 2011
Shut Your Mouth While You're Judging Me
Today I decided I was kind of tired of being held hostage in my own house. Even despite the overcast and crappy day outside. We are supposed to be expecting snow this weekend. Yeah. That's right. Snow...in April. Indiana, psh! Anyway, I pack up my son who is not liking this day either and head to the outdoor mall for some lunch. My vehicle is saying it is 65 degrees outside, which for Indiana is pretty warm. I go into the restaurant and it is packed so I decide to get my food to go. As I am given my food I am not given any silverware to eat said food with. I then proceed to stand at the counter for a good ten minutes without anyone noticing me to ask what I might need. Might I add here, poor customer service is one of my biggest pet peeves. And yes, I've been there so I have a right to complain. So I snag some pour soul who has the fun job of taking food out to the lovely customers for some plastic silverware in order to consume the lunch I just paid nine bucks for. I proceed outside back to my vehicle and realize I really do not want to go back home to eat this and decide to sit outside. We were the only two brave enough to sit out on the patio in 65 degree weather at this wonderful establishment. Oliver is sitting in his car seat in a sleep & play outfit with a blanket on, and I had the cover pulled up on the car seat to protect him from what wind may come about during our lunch. He was awake so he was enjoying looking at everything around him while his mommy indulged in a too expensive lunch just to get out of the house.
Then came the looks.
As people were entering the restaurant every person took a double glance at the horrible mother who was sitting outside eating her lunch with her infant son. "Oh my goodness, doesn't she know it's cold outside" I could hear them saying. Really? It's 65 degrees! If the sun were out, your ass would be sitting out here too enjoying your lunch and smiling at the cute little baby with his mommy. I even had an older gentlemen approach us to look at Oliver and talk to him, and followed it up with "It's supposed to get cold. Maybe even snow". As to imply maybe I should not have my baby out in this weather! I reply to him, "Yes, but right now it's 65 degrees outside so might as well enjoy it!". Some of them even looked so disgusted as to possibly call CPS on me. Oh the irony!
So Oliver and I proceeded to enjoy our lunch out even though we were the talk of the town for a brief moment, and he laughed and played while I ate my soup and sandwich. Seems like a pretty neglectful situation if you ask me. A happy baby with his mom enjoying a nice day before snow...how dare us!
Oh, and happy tax day everybody!
Then came the looks.
As people were entering the restaurant every person took a double glance at the horrible mother who was sitting outside eating her lunch with her infant son. "Oh my goodness, doesn't she know it's cold outside" I could hear them saying. Really? It's 65 degrees! If the sun were out, your ass would be sitting out here too enjoying your lunch and smiling at the cute little baby with his mommy. I even had an older gentlemen approach us to look at Oliver and talk to him, and followed it up with "It's supposed to get cold. Maybe even snow". As to imply maybe I should not have my baby out in this weather! I reply to him, "Yes, but right now it's 65 degrees outside so might as well enjoy it!". Some of them even looked so disgusted as to possibly call CPS on me. Oh the irony!
So Oliver and I proceeded to enjoy our lunch out even though we were the talk of the town for a brief moment, and he laughed and played while I ate my soup and sandwich. Seems like a pretty neglectful situation if you ask me. A happy baby with his mom enjoying a nice day before snow...how dare us!
Oh, and happy tax day everybody!
Monday, April 4, 2011
Bronze Boobs and Baby Claws
Last Friday was the marker of my son's three month birthday, and a pretty big deal in my book. This was also an important day for me other than the birth of my son. It was my day to give myself a pat on the back for having exclusively breastfed (with the exception of the occasional bottle of breast milk given by dad) my baby boy for three months as well. I have earned my bronze boobies! This is a popular term for breastfeeding mom's who have set a goal to breastfeed their children for a year. You earn your bronze boobs at three months, your silver boobs at six months, and your gold boobs at a year. I'm not really sure why they don't have a nine month mark, but oh well. So Oliver and I have reached the bronze and are going for silver! I am a little nervous about those teething times and when we introduce solids. To be honest though, we made it through a difficult time in the beginning so I have no doubt we will figure the rest of it out as it comes along. When I was pregnant with the triplets I thought it would have been amazing if I would have been able to breastfeed, but I knew this would be close to impossible unless I just wanted to hook myself up to a machine and give them straws! But when I was pregnant with just one baby, Oliver, it became a little more realistic. I was very nervous before we began our journey as I was not sure how either one of us would handle it. I read books and what not, but it is a little different than on the job training. About an hour after Oliver was born was when we first began to see what this new skill would be like for the both of us. Women have told me about babies just being born to nurse and how it's the natural way so there might not be too many complications. Right. Well little baby Oliver latched on right away and "acted" like he knew what he was doing and destroyed my nipples. (I have to enter a disclaimer here because "destroy" to me is something completely different to what some mothers have to go thru. I did not have cracking or bleeding. Just soreness and hickeys pretty much on the daily. It still wasn't fun) Thankfully the hospital has what I like to call "breastfeeding fairies", a.k.a Lactation Consultants, to help with any kind of problem, and we were then well on our way. When we got home we had some struggles as I felt pretty much the equivalent to a dairy cow who was just a milk machine for this baby. All he did was nurse! And proceed to poop it right out. All that hard work! Well as time passed and as we got over our, mainly mine, freak out moments, we are now a well oiled machine. I have noticed I track Oliver's growth in how different he nurses now versus the beginning. Before I had to help him so much because he had just not developed the strength. Now I can be pretty much hands free while he nurses unless he gets distracted. My little guy is growing up. So after all of our leaps and bounds up until now we are doing great, and we will take on the new hurdles with a little more confidence!
Another difficulty we have come across over the months is clipping fingernails! Oh my how they grow so fast! If I don't trim them every two days, Oliver starts to get little scratches and sometimes chunks taken out of his face by his own doing. As you well know, this is only a task completed with a sleeping baby. Often I don't realize I need to trim them again until I notice a new injury from his little baby claws on his face. Like today. He was trying to soothe himself to sleep by sucking on his hand while I rocked him for his morning nap. Well he kept bursting into tears and screams and I thought it was his nose bothering him as it is often full of baby boogers which fill up his little nose every day. So I'm trying to excavate these things who cling on for dear life in his nose in order for my little one to breathe. He also proceeds to cry and scream as he does not enjoy booger excavation either. Well I got one little nostril clear and felt this was good enough for his nap, but yet he continued to cry and scream on and off as he would wake up. Meantime he was still sucking on his hands and moving his fingers about in that little mouth of his which has begun to create more drool than I've ever seen. He got his hand out of his mouth and accidentally grabbed his nose in attempt to make a fist to re-enter his mouth and then the real scream came out with more cries. I look down and my poor baby who just cannot get to sleep and see a little spot of blood on his nose where his baby claws had attacked! Then I scold myself for not trimming his nails this morning as it is the day for claw trimming, usually done after bath time because he's asleep. Not today! Nails had to be trimmed this morning to prevent future injuries. I will have you all know I successfully trimmed and filed those nails down so he could no longer injure his face. For a couple days at least.
Like I've said many times before, it's the little victories.
Another difficulty we have come across over the months is clipping fingernails! Oh my how they grow so fast! If I don't trim them every two days, Oliver starts to get little scratches and sometimes chunks taken out of his face by his own doing. As you well know, this is only a task completed with a sleeping baby. Often I don't realize I need to trim them again until I notice a new injury from his little baby claws on his face. Like today. He was trying to soothe himself to sleep by sucking on his hand while I rocked him for his morning nap. Well he kept bursting into tears and screams and I thought it was his nose bothering him as it is often full of baby boogers which fill up his little nose every day. So I'm trying to excavate these things who cling on for dear life in his nose in order for my little one to breathe. He also proceeds to cry and scream as he does not enjoy booger excavation either. Well I got one little nostril clear and felt this was good enough for his nap, but yet he continued to cry and scream on and off as he would wake up. Meantime he was still sucking on his hands and moving his fingers about in that little mouth of his which has begun to create more drool than I've ever seen. He got his hand out of his mouth and accidentally grabbed his nose in attempt to make a fist to re-enter his mouth and then the real scream came out with more cries. I look down and my poor baby who just cannot get to sleep and see a little spot of blood on his nose where his baby claws had attacked! Then I scold myself for not trimming his nails this morning as it is the day for claw trimming, usually done after bath time because he's asleep. Not today! Nails had to be trimmed this morning to prevent future injuries. I will have you all know I successfully trimmed and filed those nails down so he could no longer injure his face. For a couple days at least.
Like I've said many times before, it's the little victories.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Not Everything Mixes With Travel
Justin and I traveled to Oklahoma this weekend because he had some time off, and we wanted my family to meet Oliver. We were leaving on Saturday and coming back Tuesday, and we were driving! For those who do not know, this is a 10 hour drive one way. We left Saturday late morning and it took us 11.5 hours to get there with Oliver. We were having to stop to feed him and make sure he got out of his car seat for a little while. Well, we had never traveled with an infant before so I brought everything! Including P90X. We had it all planned out when we left Indy on how we would manage to do our workout while we were in Oklahoma. The journey actually began on Friday night.
So, Friday night I went to dinner with some friends with every intention to come home, work out, pack, and then go to bed. Well it was more like come home, Oliver wouldn't go to sleep until 9:30, pack, and then go to bed. This was really the plan for Justin and I. Since we didn't do our Friday workout, we told ourselves we would do it Saturday and count Friday as our rest day. Yes, crazy is what you are thinking. We were planning on doing our workout after the 10, scratch that 11.5, hour drive I mentioned above. I mean what sounds better after sitting in the car for hours than to get your blood flowing with a workout?
Moving on to Saturday night at about 10:30pm, Oklahoma time, we arrive at my mom and dad's house. Exhausted. We put Oliver to bed and finish unloading the car. I look at Justin and ask "Uh, do you want to do P90X? Because I really just want to go to bed". Now, Justin and I are doing P90X together in order to hold each other accountable. His response was something like "Yeah me too. Let's just go to bed". So we discussed how we will do our workout on Sunday night instead after we've rested and everything.
Sunday comes along...we go to my grandparents house and also run into Tulsa to see my brother. Not too many places but we were yet again in the car. We ate dinner and needed to go to the store for some stuff. It was getting late so we had to put Oliver to bed before going to the store. Now 8pm on Sunday night, still no P90X. On our way back from the store my wonderful husband says to me "I think we have earned Braum's today, don't you think?". My reply "I agree". Now as you have read we have not done anything to earn ice cream, but by god we were going to get some! Thus, discussing how we will now do our P90X workout on Monday because today was simply too exhausting and we did not ever have time.
Monday. We got a late start at my parent's house, on getting out of it. We went to lunch and I really wanted to get a pedicure so this was first on the agenda. After, we went to a few more places in Tulsa and before you know it I look at the clock and it's 5:30pm and we're discussing dinner. On our way back from Tulsa we meet my dad for dinner and some friends as well. We did not leave the restaurant until after Oliver's bedtime, and he was really cranky. We get back to my parent's and put Oliver to bed and the clock reads 8:30pm. Hmmm...I wonder what's coming? I turn to Justin, and at this point it's not even a discussion. I say to him "I'm not doing P90X because I am just too damn tired". His response "I'm okay with that". So much for us holding each other accountable. Well if you really think about it, we were holding each other accountable...to be lazy.
Tuesday morning we get up, eat breakfast with my parents, pack the car, and we're on the road. At this point we have extended our P90X to now P95X and are sitting in the car for another 11.5 hours. We all know we are not going to workout when we get to Indy so we put it off until yet another day. As we're driving back to Indy we have another conversation about when we will resume our workout. The result...not until tomorrow.
The lesson I brought home with this...when you plan a four day trip where two of the days are driving, you're crazy if you really think you're going to feel like working out. Especially if you are planning on doing P90X because not everything mixes with travel, and certainly not P90X!
So, Friday night I went to dinner with some friends with every intention to come home, work out, pack, and then go to bed. Well it was more like come home, Oliver wouldn't go to sleep until 9:30, pack, and then go to bed. This was really the plan for Justin and I. Since we didn't do our Friday workout, we told ourselves we would do it Saturday and count Friday as our rest day. Yes, crazy is what you are thinking. We were planning on doing our workout after the 10, scratch that 11.5, hour drive I mentioned above. I mean what sounds better after sitting in the car for hours than to get your blood flowing with a workout?
Moving on to Saturday night at about 10:30pm, Oklahoma time, we arrive at my mom and dad's house. Exhausted. We put Oliver to bed and finish unloading the car. I look at Justin and ask "Uh, do you want to do P90X? Because I really just want to go to bed". Now, Justin and I are doing P90X together in order to hold each other accountable. His response was something like "Yeah me too. Let's just go to bed". So we discussed how we will do our workout on Sunday night instead after we've rested and everything.
Sunday comes along...we go to my grandparents house and also run into Tulsa to see my brother. Not too many places but we were yet again in the car. We ate dinner and needed to go to the store for some stuff. It was getting late so we had to put Oliver to bed before going to the store. Now 8pm on Sunday night, still no P90X. On our way back from the store my wonderful husband says to me "I think we have earned Braum's today, don't you think?". My reply "I agree". Now as you have read we have not done anything to earn ice cream, but by god we were going to get some! Thus, discussing how we will now do our P90X workout on Monday because today was simply too exhausting and we did not ever have time.
Monday. We got a late start at my parent's house, on getting out of it. We went to lunch and I really wanted to get a pedicure so this was first on the agenda. After, we went to a few more places in Tulsa and before you know it I look at the clock and it's 5:30pm and we're discussing dinner. On our way back from Tulsa we meet my dad for dinner and some friends as well. We did not leave the restaurant until after Oliver's bedtime, and he was really cranky. We get back to my parent's and put Oliver to bed and the clock reads 8:30pm. Hmmm...I wonder what's coming? I turn to Justin, and at this point it's not even a discussion. I say to him "I'm not doing P90X because I am just too damn tired". His response "I'm okay with that". So much for us holding each other accountable. Well if you really think about it, we were holding each other accountable...to be lazy.
Tuesday morning we get up, eat breakfast with my parents, pack the car, and we're on the road. At this point we have extended our P90X to now P95X and are sitting in the car for another 11.5 hours. We all know we are not going to workout when we get to Indy so we put it off until yet another day. As we're driving back to Indy we have another conversation about when we will resume our workout. The result...not until tomorrow.
The lesson I brought home with this...when you plan a four day trip where two of the days are driving, you're crazy if you really think you're going to feel like working out. Especially if you are planning on doing P90X because not everything mixes with travel, and certainly not P90X!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
So relaxing...surprisingly
So I did Yoga again last night for P90X, Week 2, Day 4...woo hoo! Anywho, it kicks my butt in the beginning, but the end is so relaxing and peaceful. It really does make a difference I think. In every workout there's a "cool down", but with Yoga's cool down it's so much better. I just can't really put it into words. It's something you have to experience yourself.
Week 2 is going well so far. I've noticed I'm more tired this week so we have been trying to get Oliver in bed a little earlier so we can workout earlier, and in turn getting to sleep earlier. I think it's just tiring and my body is not used to it yet, but I'm hoping it will get easier as the weeks pass. Next week is our last week of the same workout and then week 4 is something different. I'm kind of excited to see what week 4 brings. I'm sure it will suck!
This is a short post, but I don't really have much more to comment about. Abs still suck and are the hardest part of my week...hoping that gets easier too!
Week 2 is going well so far. I've noticed I'm more tired this week so we have been trying to get Oliver in bed a little earlier so we can workout earlier, and in turn getting to sleep earlier. I think it's just tiring and my body is not used to it yet, but I'm hoping it will get easier as the weeks pass. Next week is our last week of the same workout and then week 4 is something different. I'm kind of excited to see what week 4 brings. I'm sure it will suck!
This is a short post, but I don't really have much more to comment about. Abs still suck and are the hardest part of my week...hoping that gets easier too!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
It Gets Me Every Time (beware of hidden emotions in this one)
Last night was Plyometrics and I still hate it! I'm not sure what exactly it is about it, but I cannot stand that DVD workout! Probably because it is really tough. I would much rather do Kenpo on both nights than do Plyo, ugh.
Well, I wanted to write a little different thing today because this week's P90X is pretty much like last week's and I have some things on my mind.
I had a "blast from the past" today. I was trying to look at pictures for organizing and came across the albums I made for the triplets. A new emotion came over me today when I began to think back to that December, which was over a year ago, but feels like just yesterday. I realized then I had lost children, but I think now after spending these almost 12 weeks with Oliver the emotion was just much more intense. We've had people talk to us about how we "dealt" with the loss of our children, and have even been asked for advice in situations where people are faced with the same thing. This made me think today, is there really any advice you can give? I think it's different for everyone and it becomes different things as you continue to live your life afterward. Many have wondered if I am "okay" and dealing with things well over the last year. I would have to say when first asked this I was upset because it made me appear broken. If any of you know me well, I am not the type of person who can be "broken". And if I am, I'm in a hurry to fix it. I know it does not seem like there is a point to this post, but I'm getting there.
I'm writing this because today I realized, I am "okay". Even if I have days like today where I am holding my son and crying because I miss my other children and because I'm glad he's with me. I'm okay when I am asked if Oliver is my first child. I'm okay when I tell people no. I'm okay when people want to know about the triplets because it's the only time I get to talk about them. I'm okay with looking at pictures of them and crying because I miss them. I'm okay with being angry sometimes when I think about how they will not get to do many things Justin and I wished for them. I'm okay with other people coping with missing them in a different way. I'm okay with people still talking about them because, they were here. I'm okay with telling their story. And, I'm okay to tell people I am the mother of four children who I love unconditionally, and always will.
How do I do it you might think?
I have no other option. I am a better person for the things I've gone through, and in turn I feel I have a better life. Different things are important. The little moments matter more. I feel lately as if I have been caught up in what needs to be done and just the overall mess of life. At first I did not welcome the memory of the death of my kids today, but every time...every time...they make me remember what I'm living for.
Well, I wanted to write a little different thing today because this week's P90X is pretty much like last week's and I have some things on my mind.
I had a "blast from the past" today. I was trying to look at pictures for organizing and came across the albums I made for the triplets. A new emotion came over me today when I began to think back to that December, which was over a year ago, but feels like just yesterday. I realized then I had lost children, but I think now after spending these almost 12 weeks with Oliver the emotion was just much more intense. We've had people talk to us about how we "dealt" with the loss of our children, and have even been asked for advice in situations where people are faced with the same thing. This made me think today, is there really any advice you can give? I think it's different for everyone and it becomes different things as you continue to live your life afterward. Many have wondered if I am "okay" and dealing with things well over the last year. I would have to say when first asked this I was upset because it made me appear broken. If any of you know me well, I am not the type of person who can be "broken". And if I am, I'm in a hurry to fix it. I know it does not seem like there is a point to this post, but I'm getting there.
I'm writing this because today I realized, I am "okay". Even if I have days like today where I am holding my son and crying because I miss my other children and because I'm glad he's with me. I'm okay when I am asked if Oliver is my first child. I'm okay when I tell people no. I'm okay when people want to know about the triplets because it's the only time I get to talk about them. I'm okay with looking at pictures of them and crying because I miss them. I'm okay with being angry sometimes when I think about how they will not get to do many things Justin and I wished for them. I'm okay with other people coping with missing them in a different way. I'm okay with people still talking about them because, they were here. I'm okay with telling their story. And, I'm okay to tell people I am the mother of four children who I love unconditionally, and always will.
How do I do it you might think?
I have no other option. I am a better person for the things I've gone through, and in turn I feel I have a better life. Different things are important. The little moments matter more. I feel lately as if I have been caught up in what needs to be done and just the overall mess of life. At first I did not welcome the memory of the death of my kids today, but every time...every time...they make me remember what I'm living for.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Week 2!
I've made it through week 1 and moving on to week 2! The first week was definitely learning what I was getting myself in to and starting over was not too bad. The way the layout works is you do the same workouts every week for 3 weeks and then you switch. I think he calls it muscle confusion so your body does not get used to doing the same thing over and over again. Makes sense I guess. Last night we did Chest and Back again as it is day 1 of the week. The hardest part of this workout is the damn push ups! There is a type of push up you do called Dive-Bombers, oh man. If you have ever seen GI Jane with Demi Moore, these are the push ups she does in the water. You know when she's training to be a Navy Seal. The movie where she is ripped. The movie where she tells her CO to...well you know. Yeah, those push ups. I can only do them half way, but give props to Justin because he does them all the way. It's impressive. It was a pretty good workout though and I did better than I did on my first day. I'm looking forward to when I can actually add reps to the workout to see the results of getting stronger. One thing I realized is I do need to stretch on the stretch day. I elected to take the "rest day" instead of stretching on Saturday, and it was not a good idea. Not for reasons you are thinking, but because I felt so lazy on Saturday because I didn't do anything. It made it kind of difficult to want to work out on Sunday, but I did!
As I was working out last night I realized there is a piece of P90X that has not made it into the blog, and I cannot figure out why. It is by far probably the worst part of all of the discs and I dread it every time I read it on the workout. The bad thing is I have to do it every other day. This elusive workout piece is Ab Ripper X...horrible! It's like 300 some odd reps on your abs, but I definitely do NOT do them all. I think I do 10 or so of each type and still feel like my abs are going to tighten in on themselves. Some of them I can only get 5 reps out. They are difficult. So now you know. Beware of the Ab Ripper because the name explains it all.
As for a weight check, 168, 2 pounds in a week. I did weigh myself on Thursday and was down to 165, but I realize I need to weigh myself weekly to see what I've accomplished in a week's time. And this past week is 2 pounds! Better than none.
So here is to week 2, and Plyometrics tonight (ugh)...
As I was working out last night I realized there is a piece of P90X that has not made it into the blog, and I cannot figure out why. It is by far probably the worst part of all of the discs and I dread it every time I read it on the workout. The bad thing is I have to do it every other day. This elusive workout piece is Ab Ripper X...horrible! It's like 300 some odd reps on your abs, but I definitely do NOT do them all. I think I do 10 or so of each type and still feel like my abs are going to tighten in on themselves. Some of them I can only get 5 reps out. They are difficult. So now you know. Beware of the Ab Ripper because the name explains it all.
As for a weight check, 168, 2 pounds in a week. I did weigh myself on Thursday and was down to 165, but I realize I need to weigh myself weekly to see what I've accomplished in a week's time. And this past week is 2 pounds! Better than none.
So here is to week 2, and Plyometrics tonight (ugh)...
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Ken-poo
That's what it should be called anyway.
I did the P90X workout of Kenpo...so we'll call it P6X is where I'm at. Let's just say I'm glad I had Taekwondo training when I was in the 6th grade! Hey yellow belt, green stripe here and I could break a board with my bare hand. Watch out! At first I felt like the most uncoordinated person on the planet, but once I got into the workout it all came back to me. I thought I worked up a sweat in the previous workout, whoa. Just to let you know, my typical attire while P90X-ing it is just shorts, t-shirt, and of course the appropriate underwear for exercise. Well, yesterday's workout left me in just my shorts and sports bra because I was dripping sweat in my living room. My hair looked like I had just gotten out of the shower, and had I still been wearing my t-shirt I'm sure it would have looked the same. Oddly, the only thing I kept thinking about while working my hardest was "Am I going to get sweat all over our carpet?" Sad, I know. I think yesterday was probably my favorite of the workout DVDs to do other than Yoga. I felt really good afterwards and had all of this energy. About an hour later, I could have slept for half a day. I was lucky Oliver slept through this entire workout otherwise I'm sure he would be looking at me like "Really mom...you can kick higher than that!"
Today is a Rest/Stretch day. As I told Justin last night, I am going to do the stretching. My fear is if I take a "rest day" I can't say I will get back into it on Sunday. So, I just have to keep it going! An update on the weigh in...I weighed myself on Thursday (this is my usual weigh day) and I was at 165. I'm going to change my "weigh day" to Sundays due to this being when I started my working out. This way I can see how much I've lost in a week's time while doing my workouts. So we will see what the scale says tomorrow!
Here's to stretching!
I did the P90X workout of Kenpo...so we'll call it P6X is where I'm at. Let's just say I'm glad I had Taekwondo training when I was in the 6th grade! Hey yellow belt, green stripe here and I could break a board with my bare hand. Watch out! At first I felt like the most uncoordinated person on the planet, but once I got into the workout it all came back to me. I thought I worked up a sweat in the previous workout, whoa. Just to let you know, my typical attire while P90X-ing it is just shorts, t-shirt, and of course the appropriate underwear for exercise. Well, yesterday's workout left me in just my shorts and sports bra because I was dripping sweat in my living room. My hair looked like I had just gotten out of the shower, and had I still been wearing my t-shirt I'm sure it would have looked the same. Oddly, the only thing I kept thinking about while working my hardest was "Am I going to get sweat all over our carpet?" Sad, I know. I think yesterday was probably my favorite of the workout DVDs to do other than Yoga. I felt really good afterwards and had all of this energy. About an hour later, I could have slept for half a day. I was lucky Oliver slept through this entire workout otherwise I'm sure he would be looking at me like "Really mom...you can kick higher than that!"
Today is a Rest/Stretch day. As I told Justin last night, I am going to do the stretching. My fear is if I take a "rest day" I can't say I will get back into it on Sunday. So, I just have to keep it going! An update on the weigh in...I weighed myself on Thursday (this is my usual weigh day) and I was at 165. I'm going to change my "weigh day" to Sundays due to this being when I started my working out. This way I can see how much I've lost in a week's time while doing my workouts. So we will see what the scale says tomorrow!
Here's to stretching!
Friday, March 18, 2011
Yoga, Yoga, Yoga!
Not to be confused with Toga...
I was out and about yesterday and did not get a chance to post, but Yoga went really well on Day 4 (Wednesday). I would have to say it was easier than the first time I did it, but I think it's because I knew the positions better. It was still really tough though even with the balance and flexibility. I do think it was more difficult because of working out the 3 days prior. I did feel a lot better yesterday (Thursday) though from doing yoga on Wednesday night. I am starting to be a firm believer in yoga relaxing all your muscles while strengthening them. Needless to say, I'm a fan.
Last night's work out was Legs and Arms. I would have to say this was a night where I was sweating my butt off! Part of me thinks it was because I was applying myself more, but it could be it was more difficult too. I'm feeling pretty good today though and not too sore.
I kind of have more energy since I've been doing P90X, and kind of not. My day consists of getting up with Oliver at around 8a and hanging out with him (while sometimes doing chores), then cooking dinner and eating with the fam, then putting Oliver to bed around 7:30p or 8p, and then working out after, getting in bed about 10p, and getting up at 5:30a to feed Oliver before he gets up for the day. This was a a pretty easy schedule before I started P90X, and now when Oliver wakes up at 7:30 or 8a I am exhausted! I'm told (by Justin) this will get better as my body starts to get used to working out, but we will see. Today is Day 6 and it is Kenpo...I think it's a mix of carido martial arts. Should be fun!
Well I'm reading this to my little proofreader, and he is smiling big and laughing. I'm hoping that means it sounds okay!
Here's to Kenpo tonight! What a way to spend a Friday evening...
I was out and about yesterday and did not get a chance to post, but Yoga went really well on Day 4 (Wednesday). I would have to say it was easier than the first time I did it, but I think it's because I knew the positions better. It was still really tough though even with the balance and flexibility. I do think it was more difficult because of working out the 3 days prior. I did feel a lot better yesterday (Thursday) though from doing yoga on Wednesday night. I am starting to be a firm believer in yoga relaxing all your muscles while strengthening them. Needless to say, I'm a fan.
Last night's work out was Legs and Arms. I would have to say this was a night where I was sweating my butt off! Part of me thinks it was because I was applying myself more, but it could be it was more difficult too. I'm feeling pretty good today though and not too sore.
I kind of have more energy since I've been doing P90X, and kind of not. My day consists of getting up with Oliver at around 8a and hanging out with him (while sometimes doing chores), then cooking dinner and eating with the fam, then putting Oliver to bed around 7:30p or 8p, and then working out after, getting in bed about 10p, and getting up at 5:30a to feed Oliver before he gets up for the day. This was a a pretty easy schedule before I started P90X, and now when Oliver wakes up at 7:30 or 8a I am exhausted! I'm told (by Justin) this will get better as my body starts to get used to working out, but we will see. Today is Day 6 and it is Kenpo...I think it's a mix of carido martial arts. Should be fun!
Well I'm reading this to my little proofreader, and he is smiling big and laughing. I'm hoping that means it sounds okay!
Here's to Kenpo tonight! What a way to spend a Friday evening...
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Well I've made it to Day 4!
P3X--Shoulders and Arms...not as bad as I thought. I told Justin it might be because I tote around a 12 pound baby all day long up and down off the floor, chair, crib, etc. Don't get me wrong, my body still hates me. I'm thinking it's more because of the previous days than just yesterday. I'm thinking I need to increase my weight just a little bit to help out with shoulders and arms. It seemed too easy (some of them).
Today is Yoga! Surprisingly I'm really excited about today. I've done this workout with Justin before as a "test" run on whether I wanted to even attempt the "X" workout. I enjoyed it! It's a lot more difficult than it looks, but I felt really good afterward. So, the second attempt at Yoga will be today. The difference from the two attempts, the first one I wasn't sore all over.
Not much more to report on Day 3...we'll do a weight check tomorrow...I know some women don't want people to know how much they weigh, but I don't care...I started at 170 after having Oliver where I got up to 200 being pregnant! Pre-preggers was 166. My goal, 140 for now and maybe 135/130. To say I've lost 30 pounds just having a baby and breastfeeding is an accomplishment in my book!
To Yoga!
Today is Yoga! Surprisingly I'm really excited about today. I've done this workout with Justin before as a "test" run on whether I wanted to even attempt the "X" workout. I enjoyed it! It's a lot more difficult than it looks, but I felt really good afterward. So, the second attempt at Yoga will be today. The difference from the two attempts, the first one I wasn't sore all over.
Not much more to report on Day 3...we'll do a weight check tomorrow...I know some women don't want people to know how much they weigh, but I don't care...I started at 170 after having Oliver where I got up to 200 being pregnant! Pre-preggers was 166. My goal, 140 for now and maybe 135/130. To say I've lost 30 pounds just having a baby and breastfeeding is an accomplishment in my book!
To Yoga!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
P2X...Plyometrics
Oh Plyo, how I loathe thee!
Plyometrics: A series of what they call jump training in essence to make your thighs and calves feel like they want to burn right off of your body. It makes having stairs in your house the worst part of your day.
Justin and I did Plyometrics last night from P90X and I never thought I could sweat so much just jumping up and down in my living room for a short amount of time of an hour.
I've decided I'm going to blog my way thru this 90 days and this way I can look back at the end to see how difficult it was in the beginning. This is completely under the assumption it gets easier.
As for today, I'm not feeling too bad. My chest and back are still sore from day one, but my legs are okay when I'm just walking around the house. The stairs is a completely different story! I've treated my day with Oliver as I used to do when waiting tables. Get everything you need from the kitchen to go to your tables so you don't have to go back to the kitchen...and think of everything your tables may need during their visit. So I have brought everything downstairs we could possibly need today so I don't have to climb up and down the stairs at a very slow pace to get wipes or diapers or any other baby items. The only downfall to my plan, I didn't finish laundry yesterday and our laundry room is upstairs! Luckily I have only a few loads left, and transferring from the washer to the dryer will also be planned and spaced out throughout the day.
I would have to say the most difficult part of getting through these 90 days may just be the fact of having a baby at home. As some may know you do not exactly get the 8-10 hours of straight sleep you may need to recover from your workout. Luckily, Oliver is getting better at sleeping 6-8 hours at night! So, here is to day #3...Shoulders and Arms, oh brother!
Plyometrics: A series of what they call jump training in essence to make your thighs and calves feel like they want to burn right off of your body. It makes having stairs in your house the worst part of your day.
Justin and I did Plyometrics last night from P90X and I never thought I could sweat so much just jumping up and down in my living room for a short amount of time of an hour.
I've decided I'm going to blog my way thru this 90 days and this way I can look back at the end to see how difficult it was in the beginning. This is completely under the assumption it gets easier.
As for today, I'm not feeling too bad. My chest and back are still sore from day one, but my legs are okay when I'm just walking around the house. The stairs is a completely different story! I've treated my day with Oliver as I used to do when waiting tables. Get everything you need from the kitchen to go to your tables so you don't have to go back to the kitchen...and think of everything your tables may need during their visit. So I have brought everything downstairs we could possibly need today so I don't have to climb up and down the stairs at a very slow pace to get wipes or diapers or any other baby items. The only downfall to my plan, I didn't finish laundry yesterday and our laundry room is upstairs! Luckily I have only a few loads left, and transferring from the washer to the dryer will also be planned and spaced out throughout the day.
I would have to say the most difficult part of getting through these 90 days may just be the fact of having a baby at home. As some may know you do not exactly get the 8-10 hours of straight sleep you may need to recover from your workout. Luckily, Oliver is getting better at sleeping 6-8 hours at night! So, here is to day #3...Shoulders and Arms, oh brother!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
10 weeks and P90X
Hey everyone!
So Oliver is 10 weeks this weekend (almost 3 months!) and he is doing great. Some "milestones" he has reached this week...Well first of all, mine and Dad's favorite, is he is starting to sleep anywhere between 6 to 8 hours in a stretch this week. It's only been 3 days so I don't want to jump the gun and get too excited, but it's freaking exciting! Suprisingly though I am more tired than I was when he was sleeping 2-3 hours in a row. I don't really understand it, but I'm thinking it's just my body readjusting to acutally getting sleep now. Also, he is starting to rub his eyes when he is sleepy. He gets really distracted when he is breastfeeding because he is constantly wanting to look around at everything! It could be lights, the television, dad sitting on the couch, the cats, or the wall. He does not care he just wants to look at everything (now that he can see it). He rolled over from his belly to his back once this week, but we are still working on that one.
One thing I know he gets from Dad is he is such a morning person! He'll wake up anytime between 7:30 and 8 and be wide awake and all smiles until about 10 or 11 when it's nap time. As most of you probably know, Mom is not a morning person! So this is kind of tough for me and I usually take a nap with him :) He is such a happy baby and is only cranky when he's hungry or tired. He has sat thru many dinners at restaurants not making a peep and even sat thru Mom getting her hair cut! Overall, Oliver is doing great and we are enjoying every minute of him.
As for me and Justin...well I bought P90X for Justin for his birthday and he started it and did the first couple of weeks and then just trailed off for many reasons. One, I think, is just not being able to find a really good time to do it without cutting in to "Oliver time", which Justin does not get as much as I do so it is very precious. Well I got to the point where I was thinking, "Okay, it's been 10 weeks since I've had this baby and I haven't really exercised in like 2 years"...so I decided I was going to start P90X (Crazy, I know). Well Justin decided to start over with me so we could hold each other accountable and keep with it for the full 90 days. (We will see if this happens as occasionally "life" gets in the way, or baby). Today was Day #1. Wow! I am REALLY out of shape. I know it was supposed to be tough, but seriously!? Today was Chest & Back, and let's just say my number of reps was a little on the lower side. I can't do a pull up are you kidding me!? But I feel great, and hopefully will proceed with Day #2 after Oliver goes to bed tomorrow night. Wish us luck! Hot Mama body here we come...t-minus 89 days...
So Oliver is 10 weeks this weekend (almost 3 months!) and he is doing great. Some "milestones" he has reached this week...Well first of all, mine and Dad's favorite, is he is starting to sleep anywhere between 6 to 8 hours in a stretch this week. It's only been 3 days so I don't want to jump the gun and get too excited, but it's freaking exciting! Suprisingly though I am more tired than I was when he was sleeping 2-3 hours in a row. I don't really understand it, but I'm thinking it's just my body readjusting to acutally getting sleep now. Also, he is starting to rub his eyes when he is sleepy. He gets really distracted when he is breastfeeding because he is constantly wanting to look around at everything! It could be lights, the television, dad sitting on the couch, the cats, or the wall. He does not care he just wants to look at everything (now that he can see it). He rolled over from his belly to his back once this week, but we are still working on that one.
One thing I know he gets from Dad is he is such a morning person! He'll wake up anytime between 7:30 and 8 and be wide awake and all smiles until about 10 or 11 when it's nap time. As most of you probably know, Mom is not a morning person! So this is kind of tough for me and I usually take a nap with him :) He is such a happy baby and is only cranky when he's hungry or tired. He has sat thru many dinners at restaurants not making a peep and even sat thru Mom getting her hair cut! Overall, Oliver is doing great and we are enjoying every minute of him.
As for me and Justin...well I bought P90X for Justin for his birthday and he started it and did the first couple of weeks and then just trailed off for many reasons. One, I think, is just not being able to find a really good time to do it without cutting in to "Oliver time", which Justin does not get as much as I do so it is very precious. Well I got to the point where I was thinking, "Okay, it's been 10 weeks since I've had this baby and I haven't really exercised in like 2 years"...so I decided I was going to start P90X (Crazy, I know). Well Justin decided to start over with me so we could hold each other accountable and keep with it for the full 90 days. (We will see if this happens as occasionally "life" gets in the way, or baby). Today was Day #1. Wow! I am REALLY out of shape. I know it was supposed to be tough, but seriously!? Today was Chest & Back, and let's just say my number of reps was a little on the lower side. I can't do a pull up are you kidding me!? But I feel great, and hopefully will proceed with Day #2 after Oliver goes to bed tomorrow night. Wish us luck! Hot Mama body here we come...t-minus 89 days...
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
The fastest 2 months of my life
Today my son is 2 months old. And it has gone by so fast. I know people always say it goes by quick, and I'm thankful I'm able to stay home with him and enjoy every minute of it.
Oliver was born in 1/1/11 at 6 lbs 11 oz and he's already almost 11 lbs. And I have to say I am partially to thank for that. I have been exclusively breastfeeding Oliver since he was able to eat. (Now his daddy feeds him a bottle a day too though of breastmilk) But he has been growing and gaining weight because of what my body is able to provide him. Being pregnant is amazing to think of how the baby is able to be created inside your body, and when they are born it's hard to believe the were ever in there. Breastfeeding has been kind of the extention of my pregnancy. In a way they are very similar. At the beginning of your pregnancy it sucks because you are exhausted and don't feel well. This is very similar to breastfeeding for the first month. You are exhausted and your body hurts, but you can't get enough sleep to make it better because your child has to eat so frequently. This was one of the hardest parts for me, but we made it thru. I would just tell myself...just see what tomorrow is like...and it worked for me. Oliver had a hard time gaining weight at first and it took him more like 3 weeks instead of the "normal" 2 weeks. I put the word normal in quotations because there is no such thing. This "normal" made us switch pediatricians before he was 1 month old.
A note to doctors out there: try not to freak out first time parents. It is a very easy task and most of you I'm sure are very successful at it. Just think for a second...we have no idea what we are doing and we're in control of a life so dependent on us it's scary. So try to actually explain things to a person who has no freaking clue about babies. I mean you went to school for an ungodly amount of time to learn about them. Uh, we had like 9 months to prepare. So not the same.
For any mom who is going to breasfeed...I say befriend a lactation consultant. They were life savers, and made me feel like I was doing what Oliver needed and he'd figure it out in time. One thing that stuck with me is someone told me he was just as new to this as I was, and we were both lost and would need to find our way. One of the most enlightening things I could have heard when I was about to give up out of pure frustration. I have to say when I would hear other moms say "It gets better" my only question was "When?" But it did...and now he is eating like a champ and putting on the pounds to prove it. Our next hurdle...trying to figure out how to occupy a 2 month old who just does not want to take a nap, haha. That and getting thru growth spurts.
But this face...makes it all worth it!
Oliver was born in 1/1/11 at 6 lbs 11 oz and he's already almost 11 lbs. And I have to say I am partially to thank for that. I have been exclusively breastfeeding Oliver since he was able to eat. (Now his daddy feeds him a bottle a day too though of breastmilk) But he has been growing and gaining weight because of what my body is able to provide him. Being pregnant is amazing to think of how the baby is able to be created inside your body, and when they are born it's hard to believe the were ever in there. Breastfeeding has been kind of the extention of my pregnancy. In a way they are very similar. At the beginning of your pregnancy it sucks because you are exhausted and don't feel well. This is very similar to breastfeeding for the first month. You are exhausted and your body hurts, but you can't get enough sleep to make it better because your child has to eat so frequently. This was one of the hardest parts for me, but we made it thru. I would just tell myself...just see what tomorrow is like...and it worked for me. Oliver had a hard time gaining weight at first and it took him more like 3 weeks instead of the "normal" 2 weeks. I put the word normal in quotations because there is no such thing. This "normal" made us switch pediatricians before he was 1 month old.
A note to doctors out there: try not to freak out first time parents. It is a very easy task and most of you I'm sure are very successful at it. Just think for a second...we have no idea what we are doing and we're in control of a life so dependent on us it's scary. So try to actually explain things to a person who has no freaking clue about babies. I mean you went to school for an ungodly amount of time to learn about them. Uh, we had like 9 months to prepare. So not the same.
For any mom who is going to breasfeed...I say befriend a lactation consultant. They were life savers, and made me feel like I was doing what Oliver needed and he'd figure it out in time. One thing that stuck with me is someone told me he was just as new to this as I was, and we were both lost and would need to find our way. One of the most enlightening things I could have heard when I was about to give up out of pure frustration. I have to say when I would hear other moms say "It gets better" my only question was "When?" But it did...and now he is eating like a champ and putting on the pounds to prove it. Our next hurdle...trying to figure out how to occupy a 2 month old who just does not want to take a nap, haha. That and getting thru growth spurts.
But this face...makes it all worth it!
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